The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's shark week go big or go home
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
