Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
