i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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