The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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