I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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