While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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