im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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