Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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