it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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