Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
