Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
