I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
