I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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