No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
