I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
