She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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