whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
