i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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