i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
