I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
