i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
