U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
