So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
