i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
