OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
