Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
