dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
false alarm. still invincible.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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