i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
