I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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