If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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