I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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