I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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