Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
