I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
