I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the day after is always just damage control
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
