Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
