You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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