her vagine was all disorganized.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
