Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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