we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
