i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
