I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
