3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
