he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
