I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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