why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
