my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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