a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
