if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
