once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
